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Day Two - Pho and Family

I had a dinner date with my best girl this evening. We met at the cheapo Pho place in Campsie, where for $12 you can get a bowl of delicious aromatic Pho the size of your head. As we tackled our giant bowls of deliciousness we chatted about our weeks, and eventually the talk turned to families. The biological kind. There were tears. It's (not really) funny how often talk of biological families turns to tears. It's comforting to share them with logical family, who understand.

Of the many things that best girl and I share and understand about each other, the one we talked about this evening was our unfulfilled hunger for the unconditional love, acceptance, and approval of a particular parent. The problem with this hunger, is that it can never be filled. I am blessed with people in my life who give me unconditional love, acceptance, and approval. I have amazing relationships that are fulfilling, and challenging, and rich with the gamut of emotions. I have people who give me space, safety, and security to fail and fuck up and fly, with the solid knowledge that no matter what, they will be there. And somehow, it's still not quite enough. In talking about this tonight with best girl, one of those amazing people, I relayed something that talky-doctor said when I had the same conversation with him last week.


The reality is that the hunger for parental love can never be satisfied once it has been missed. He likened it to going to a restaurant that is known for a particular meal, something you really want and crave, but when you get there that meal isn't available. There are plenty of other delicious things to eat, nourishing food that fills you up. But it's not the thing you wanted. None of it is what you were hoping for. It's a good analogy. On reflection however, along with the wry recognition of wanting what I can't have, is a sense of petulance, and the awareness that fixating on what is not available will inevitably make it harder to enjoy and appreciate the things that are nourishing me right now. I don't want to be a petulant child anymore. My plate is full, and I want to savour every delicious bite.  



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